Lived experiences of spiritual conflict among LGBT individuals living with HIV in Lampung, Bengkulu, and Depok, Indonesia: A phenomenological study
-
Agung Waluyo
,
Ikhwan Amirudin
,
Anggri Noorana Zahra
,
Chiyar Edison
,
Liya Arista
,
Bona Sardo Hasoloan Hutahaean
,
Muh Taslim
Abstract
Background & Aim: Spiritual conflict among LGBT individuals living with HIV may arise from intersecting sexual or gender identity, religious beliefs, and illness-related meanings. This study explored lived experiences of spiritual conflict in Lampung, Bengkulu, and Depok, Indonesia.
Methods & Materials: This descriptive phenomenological study used Colaizzi’s seven-step method. Twenty purposively recruited participants (14 gay men, three bisexual men, and three transgender women) completed in-depth interviews from July to August 2026. Interviews addressed faith, identity, HIV diagnosis, spiritual struggle, coping, and reconciliation. Analysis identified significant statements, formulated meanings, clustered themes, and developed an essential structure. Trustworthiness was supported by member checking, reflexive journaling, peer debriefing, expert review, and an audit trail.
Results: Five themes and 17 subthemes emerged: (1) recognizing the contradiction between faith and desire; (2) living with guilt and spiritual distress; (3) interpreting HIV as a spiritual turning point; (4) negotiating identity and faith; and (5) seeking reconciliation with God. Participants described tension between religious teachings and identity, guilt, self-blame, fear of divine punishment, spiritual distance, meaning reconstruction, and reconciliation. Spiritual conflict was overlapping and recursive rather than uniform or sequential. Participants moved between guilt and hope, spiritual distance and religious engagement, and self-rejection and acceptance. HIV diagnosis often prompted reflection, although its spiritual meaning varied.
Conclusion: Spiritual conflict involved ongoing identity negotiation, moral interpretation, meaning reconstruction, and reconciliation. Spirituality could be both a source of distress and a resource for adaptation.
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| Issue | Articles in Press | |
| Section | Original Article(s) | |
| Keywords | ||
| LGBT; HIV; spiritual conflict; spirituality; religious identity; lived experience; phenomenology; nursing care | ||
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